Any advice?

Dear Auntie Christine,

I know you normally only take questions from ladies, I’m a man asking about ladies, anonymous please. ‘Mr. W’ would be fine. As a young Christian man in my 20s and an ordained minister I’m finding the struggle to meet a nice girl with a view to marriage difficult.

My church is tiny so meeting Christian ladies is a struggle. I’ve tried dating apps, church events, pilgrimages etc all to no avail. I find it difficult to connect with girls who aren’t Christians, as they tend not to understand one’s life of service to Christ. I don’t want to sound holier-than-thou or pious, because no one is more sinful or in need of grace than I am,  but they have different values and world-views etc.

 I find loneliness tough. I have plenty of friends who are Christians, but we all live far apart . I feel glum about my marital circumstances.

 I don’t mind a bit of an age gap. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Mr W, UK.

Christine’s reply…

Dear Mr W. 

Thank you for your email to my Christian Agony Aunt. 

Yes, initially, CAA was designed for women, but men, and even clergy contact CAA too. 

I was surprised to hear that as a young man with all the events, pilgrimages, Christian dating apps you mentioned, that a potential spouse hasn’t been forthcoming, and you seem very young to be so anxious about it. Through experience I’ve seen how Christian dating sites have worked for many, so I’m wondering what could be the problem. Before Christian dating sites came about, it would mean travelling to various churches all over the country to meet the girls, but that has been made much easier with Christian dating sites.

As I do not know you or your personality type, I can only say what I’ve seen for myself concerning anxious lonely men in search of a life-long partner. So forgive me, if this description does not apply to you. In my experience, men who are lonely, anxious and worried about a potential wife, can come over initially too heavy and strong turning a lady off. A lady likes time for a friendship to develop before anything serious is even hinted at. 

I would make as many female Christian friends as you possibly can, with a min-set of them being just that, friends, and not to see any as a potential wife – or if you do, keep it to yourself. Keep in prayer that the Lord will make clear if any are for you. The right person is out there somewhere, and in your position it it is something not be something rushed into. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit and patience does bring its rewards, but impatience causes stress, wrong decisions, anxiety, and regret, “If we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience” (Romans 8:25). So pray for patience at this time, and the wait will be wrth it.

God bless you, Christine.

Christian Agony Aunt

My books on trials of faith, & marriage: https://christinesmitheurope.wordpress.com/christines-books/