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Christian Agony Aunt for Christian women…

Hello. I am Christine Smith. Welcome to my ‘Christian Agony Aunt.

“Even in laughter the heart may be in pain” (Proverbs 14:13).

Sadly, there are women for whom this Scripture is all too true – smiling on the outside, yet unhappy on the inside. Women are suffering in silence because they are unable to share a secret problem with anyone, and you could be one of them. For this reason, the Lord prompted me to start this Christian Agony Aunt which has already helped many women share a secret problem.

Over many years women have shared their secrets with me. Some just needed a listening ear and someone they could trust to keep quiet about a problem. I have kept secrets locked inside for as long as I can remember and have felt privileged to uphold women in prayer.

My Christian Agony Aunt is an anonymous place where a Christian woman of any age can share a problem and ask for Biblical advice. It could be that another woman is going through the same as you, and it can be of help for someone to see they are not alone.

I give guidance from Scripture as the Bible has an answer for everyone and everything. It is alive!

I promise you will not regret writing in and not one person has as yet (see comments).

Email:  christianagonyaunt@gmail.com

(please state if wanting to be anonymous).

Don’t suffer in silence. Write today.

Please forward this link to anyone who you may feel could benefit from emailing Christian Agony Aunt.

God bless you, Christine.

My books  https://christinesmitheurope.wordpress.com/2016/11/23/living-by-faith/

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1. Gab - August 3, 2014

You made me see something in a new light. Thanks for this. It gave me a lot to think about.
Miss G.

2. Anonymous - August 27, 2018

Hello Christine. My husband had an affair which lasted for about two years. He was a deacon in the church. This happened 25 years ago and after I found out he came back to me as I wanted to do the right thing as a Christian. It has not been easy as my husband won’t really talk about it. I have forgiven him and he has been back in church and is working hard in the church but I can’t forget the hurt he caused me. The problem is next year we will have been married for 50 years and I don’t want to celebrate he does but I feel because he broke his vows and feel its hypocritical. Even tho he was having an affair he didn’t leave me all that time. I know my daughter and son and grandchildren will want to celebrate it but I can’t. What do you suggest as it’s really worrying me. Please I want to be anonymous.

Christine’s reply…
Thank you for writing to my Christian Agony Aunt.

At the time this happened you could have left him with Scripture on your side for adultery. But you chose to forgive which was very gracious. So not to celebrate, could seem to him, and your family (if they know about the affair that is) that you haven’t really forgiven him when you have.

I understand your feelings about broken marriage vows. But you have still been married for 50 years and for 25 years after the affair. celebrating. Still being together is an achievement these days. Forgiveness should be seen and having a 50th W/A celebration would show you have forgiven and would compliment you as a loving, gracious, spiritual lady.

By not celebrating is like keeping a wrong-doing alive. Even keep talking about it can have the same effect.

I would make it a very exciting occasion in the face of Satan, who’s agenda is to destroy marriages and especially Christian ones. Your accomplishment deserves to be celebrated!

If he was still living as a hypocrite I’d be giving a different answer. But from what I gather he has more than tried o make up for his mistake 25 year ago.

Every blessing.
Christian Agony Aunt

3. Anonymous - October 16, 2022

Dear Christian Agony Aunt. How do I come to terms with my husband’s problem with unforgiveness? He is a professing Christian but finds it hard to forgive.

Christine’s reply…
Hello Mrs anonymous,
Thank you for writing to my Christian Agony Aunt.
I was sorry to hear of your dilemma.

I’m assuming it is you who needs forgiveness from your husband, so I will reply as such.

Forgiveness is so misunderstood.

So often, I hear a Christian say to someone who’s been hurt, ‘well you just have to forgive them’. But Scripture shows that forgiveness is twofold… “If your brother (‘brother’ indicating that it is between Christians) sins against you, rebuke him, and IF he repents, forgive him” (Luke 17:3).

The ‘repentance’ is required as an ‘acknowledgement’ – or admittance, of wrongdoing.

I’m sure you have repented, and that your husband has indeed rebuked you. So according to that Scripture your husband should forgive you. But sometimes forgiveness can take time with some. And someone may think they have bot forgiven because of the pain they still feel. Forgiveness doesn’t remove the hurt.

If you have done what that Scripture requires (and have also repented before the Lord) all you can do now, is leave it to your husband, who loves you as that’s why he’s finding it hard to forgive. It is important you realise this – as the deeper the love the more difficult to comprehend betrayal.

I don’t know him, but maybe your husband is wanting you to suffer for a while, as a kind of punishment and knows deep down he will forgive, but may be holding back in case you think he isn’t hurt anymore. IF this is the case, then accept it as a consequence of wrongdoing (God forgives our sins, but there’s consequences for actions). It may take time. You may have to wait patiently, which is the least you can do. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit.

Don’t expect too much of your husband at this time. The fault is yours. So let him work out his feelings. Someone who has been deeply wounded may not be able to say in a flash ‘I forgive you’. Give him as much space and time as he needs, while you do your part of waiting, hoping, praying… and being kinder and more attentive than ever.

But remember, if and when he can forgive, that doesn’t mean he forgets. We have memories. If we didn’t it would be a sign our brains are going wrong. But in time, memories fade, and wounds heal.

You sound genuinely sorry, so I pray with God’s guidance and help, that your marriage will be restored. Don’t give up hope. You are blessed to have someone who loves you and IT proves so, by finding it so difficult to forgive..
God bless,
I recommend my book ‘Daughters Under Trial’ containing 26 chapters on the trials we face in our walk with the Lord, including the test of three types of marriage

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